Darkness. Light. Halos.

Darkness.

As I lay in bed, eyes closed I can hear a million things.

The humming from the water heater, the noise from the TV sockets, cars passing by my window, birds chirping on trees. I keep my eyes closed, rubbing my eyelids as I think about the last months.

My last article for Fuji X Passion was written in the same way.

I stayed in bed and dictated the text to an app that turned my voice into text. I then cleaned the writing, corrected it and gave it one quick read.

All my other articles were written by hand, typing into a Word file and then arranging and correcting it. Unfortunately, this is no longer an option for me. Not now anyway.

In September, just a few days after returning from Puglia, I was sitting in my car waiting for my fiancé. I had an awful day, in line with how many of the last couple of months have been. I was stressed, irritated, a bag of anger and fury.

As I sat in the car waiting, I kept thinking of the things that bothered me, fueling my rage more.

Honestly, I don’t remember how it happened or when exactly did it happen, but I remember how it felt. As soon as my fiance got in the car and started driving, I pushed the brakes hard, shocked, not knowing what was happening. All I could see were shapes and halos of light.

Every little light, be it the lights from a car, lights from a store, or a street lamp, was surrounded by a halo of light.

It was a dark evening and I couldn’t see a thing. I couldn’t see the road and all the halos kept coming and going and I had to drive extra slowly because I couldn’t see well and I was a bit scared because I didn’t know what had happened.

Fast forward three months. After seeing a couple of specialists, after taking daily pills and eye drops the halos are still there.

Nonstop.

Now, I do need to make a small addendum. I can still see with my right eye, the one that was affected. The only difference is that all the time I keep my eye open, any source of light is surrounded by a halo. Due to this thing I kind of stopped driving at night because of all the car lights, all the lamps, buildings, it was just too much for my eye.

So you see why I lost most interest in almost everything else.

Between eye consults, pills, not driving at night or just trying to get on by every day without staring too much at the PC monitor, I felt photographing things was not that important anymore.

I did go out and shoot some matches, but little compared to the last couple of years.

For three months, I mostly listened to YouTube videos instead of watching them, and I promise you, it is way different. And I will be honest here. I would never spend that much time listening to YouTube, but editing was not an option, reading was not an option, and looking at clips or movies was the same. I needed to protect my eyes as much as I could.

When you are not able to look at the videos, to see the pictures taken, you actually focus on the words and sentences and be sure you will “see” things in a different light.

So, after three months of this, I needed a distraction. Something to challenge me and something to make me write again. To take my mind off this.

So I thought of some things that bothered me during these months, things I kept hearing and just felt they were wrong. So, let’s see what I heard during this time and how I feel about these things.

First, and maybe most important thing, we should make a clear distinction between gear reviewer, influencer and photographer. You see, most people on YouTube, though they take some pictures, would fall more under gear reviewer or influencer. In reality, I know many love to title themselves as photographers but the truth is a bit different.

In all honesty, I think that the greatest disservice to photography is done by gear reviewers and influencers. Usually posting crappy photos, always fixated on how the corners are sharp or not, judging lenses and gear by some ridiculous standard, ideal scenarios tests and so on.

Anyone who shot a camera or a lens in a studio knows that as soon as you take the equipment outside, things change drastically. Fog, cold, heat waves, distance to subject, rain, snow, type of subject, etc. all affect lenses, so shooting brick walls at different focal lengths and apertures should not be trusted entirely.

What amazes me is that people can watch Andy Mumford’s pictures, see that he uses the XF 55-200mm f/3.5-4.8 R and then go and watch 20 gear review videos that bash the lens.
Why?

Do people think they are better photographers and need better gear?
Do they think Andy is lying and he just pretends he shoots with that lens? What could possibly be the reason why people watch amazing photographs taken with basic or just decent equipment and still think some kid who makes reviews from his bedroom knows better when it comes to sharpness, diffraction, etc?

I heard that the 18-55mm is a kit lens, but I used it to take some of my most awarded photographs.
I heard that the Sigma 16mm is not so good, not as good as the Fuji 16mm, for example, yet my most awarded photograph comes from that lens.

I heard that the Sigma 18-50mm is bad due to various reasons like no aperture ring (like that influences the quality of a picture) or that it is not sharp enough yet I printed big from it and all the prints sold were impeccable.

Honestly, I stopped looking at reviews a long time ago. Until these days, when I kept listening mostly to anything.

If I really want to see how a lens performs, I either borrow one, rent or watch someone I appreciate take pictures with it.

And if I am being completely honest with you, I will tell you this. I do desire new gear from time to time. I watch the offers on the second-hand market and like to fantasise about buying some lens or camera. But when I actually need to take the money out of my pocket and pay for it, then the fantasies stop.

I wrote close to 15 articles for Fuji X Passion, I published a book, a few zines, I have more than 400 acceptances in photography contests, over 70 awards, 20 medals, multiple distinctions, and I am a member of the national and international sports press association. And to this day, I have yet to photograph a scene that made me say, “Damn, what I have really sucks. I wish I had better equipment”.

Of course, new gear, better gear would facilitate my work, especially when it comes to sports but I can more than deliver with what I already have. In all fairness, I do sometimes believe that my lenses, my cheap cameras, are still more capable than I am. And as long as there are people out there like Andy Mumford, Andrea Livieri, Craig Roberts who shoot incredible scenes with gear similar to mine I will keep thinking this way.

Now, it is time to move on to another thing that bugged me during these months. And that is clips titled along the way of “your *insert piece of equipment* is holding you back”. Now, I know that this will ruffle some feathers but I have yet to meet a photographer that was held back by his tripod, by his L bracket or even by his current gear.

What I did see was countless photographers spending small fortunes on full frame systems or medium format systems and taking crappy pictures regardless of the system they used. Just to be fair, I saw people buy into the X system and splurge on the most expensive lenses only to look at their pictures and think they were taken using a cheap mobile phone.

I think we have reached a point where we can safely say that the X system is not as cheap as it once was. When I bought my first used X-T1 and the small f2 primes, I was so happy I found a kit that was light, good and cheap. Fast forward a few years, and prices have gone up so badly that I oftentimes think that in a few years, only professionals and people with huge amounts of money will afford a new camera. You know, like things were 15 years ago.

Last year, I could have bought a used X-E4 for roughly 500-700 Euros. Nowadays there are only two available on the second-hand market, both valued at 1000 euros.

So please, if you spent your hard-earned money and bought gear, think well if that gear really holds you back, if you really need a new tripod, a new lens, etc.

And don’t fall pretty to people whose jobs are actually this, promoting products under any means necessary to earn a commission, a discount, to become an ambassador, etc.

The next claim comes and it somewhat contradicts my first two points but hear me out. I just hate it when I hear this phrase “The best camera is the one you have with you”. In a way, yes, being able to record a memory is better than no memory, and if you are looking for something to capture mostly intimate moments with your partner, kids, or friends, yes, a decent phone is about all you need sometimes.

However, I can safely say that most of us, the ones in love with photography, the ones reading this magazine or subscribed to famous photographers’ accounts, we don’t necessarily feel this way.

On Christmas day I spent a few hours with my family in a location where we agreed to meet and celebrate Christmas. Grandparents, parents, sons, daughters, grandsons and a little salon where we stayed, ate, laughed and so on.

Do you have any idea how much I regretted not bringing my camera with me? My phone could not keep up with kids who kept running, with people who moved in the frame and so on.

Yes, I caught some pictures but looking back now I regret not bringing a real camera with me. Because some moments, some memories deserve more than “the best camera you have with you” and unfortunately I missed them because I was too lazy to pack a 600-gram camera and lens.

So, in my opinion, if you just want a picture to post on the internet and to forget about it, yes, a phone will do. However if you cherish some memories, some moments, do yourself a favour and get a decent camera. You don’t need to buy a Canon R5 or a Fuji X-T5 to enjoy those moments but a decent camera will get you more beautiful memories.

The next point I want to cover is specialisation. And maybe this is the lesson I learnt the hardest, and it cost me the most amount of money. You see, I love photography. I would love to take pictures all day, every day. However, that comes with a hefty price to pay.

If you look at famous photographers like Andy Mumford, Thomas Heaton, Sean Tucker, etc you will see that they have a key area, an area they prioritise and specialise in.

Andy, for example, built his entire portfolio with two lenses, the 10-24 and the 55-200, and it was more than enough for him.

However, when I started photography I had no idea, nobody to rely on, to ask, to talk with about it. So I bought things looking on YouTube or reading about it on the internet. And that cost me money. Because in the start, I didn’t have a clear idea of what I wanted to photograph or how I would improve.

And just when I found my inner peace, the pandemic came, and it was goodbye to travel, so I needed to find something to photograph close to home. And I started shooting sports. And if you think having one system is expensive, wait until you see how much money two systems will cost you. My Nikon for sports and my Fujis for just about everything else.

Now, after close to three years of being a double system shooter and having many professional photographers as friends I have a better view and understanding of what is important, of what I actually need to take better shots. The money I spend nowadays is being returned to me by getting paid jobs, so my photography expenses rely mostly on my photography income.

Even though I managed to cover all my gear and then some I still feel like sometimes it is just too much. That I need to downgrade and simplify my shooting experience. As often as some people think of upgrading, of buying new gear, I think of downgrading, of becoming free of so many cameras and lenses.

I think that the most important thing or one of the most important things you can do is actually be very attentive to what your favourite photographers are doing.

I watched countless photographers stating loud and clear that the 26MP sensor from the X series is more than enough and they don’t need more nor do they will ever need more. Unfortunately for their followers, time has passed, and many of them now shoot the GFX or full frame cameras, stating that “you just can’t beat the image quality”.

I watched photographers scream that their backs hurt and they found freedom in the X system only to return to bigger, heavier cameras and lenses putting it all on image quality.

So, who is right, who is wrong?

Honestly, there is no such thing as right or wrong here, but in my opinion, people who make definitive statements and need to amply justify their pickings are not the people I want to follow or take advice from.

These are the same people who, a few years ago, were sure you don’t need a full frame, that you need to obey the rule of thirds, that you need to do this thing or another.

Now, the tables have turned and full frame sucks, you need to break the rules to have a chance of taking a good picture and so on.

So, what I advise you here is to listen and observe, but always keep in mind that in photography, as in many other domains, there is not a single way of achieving an image.

People focus too much on the gear in the videos and the so-called rules that influencers refer to and they miss the real important message.

More than 95% of photographers and influencers DON’T shoot at home. they pick beautiful locations and interesting destinations, and they show you how good their images are or how good is the gear reviewed outside of their hometowns.

And many people fall prey to this juxtaposition of beautiful images and certain gear and think that this is the reason they don’t have such images in their portfolios.

But they forget the fact that they do not shoot in the Dolomites, on the Island of Skye, they do not live in New York or Tokyo, they do not have the chance to photograph The Outstanding Areas of Natural Beauty in the UK or the Parks in the US.

I have always been a fan of photography workshops. For me, it is the best way to see a place, travel with people who know about the place and the locations you want to shoot, the hassle of looking for the tide schedule, or seeing where the sun will rise or where it will set, of looking for some bonus spots, it is all taken care of when picking a good photography workshop.

However, I will be the first to admit that not only gear prices have gone up but also photographing certain locations in a workshop has become a financial burden.

Hundreds of euros for a 6-hour workshop in Venice or Istanbul, thousands for experiences in Tuscany or France, it has all become ridiculous.

And when you add everything up, there is one thing nobody really talks about.

Having great images is not enough. Travelling, paying for everything from your pocket, and improving your pictures is simply not enough.

I won’t get into much detail here but I noticed a few cases lately, cases that made me wonder if I really need all my gear or if I should sell everything and just keep a camera for some snapshots and that’s it.

I noticed a few famous photographers working on a project. I think the reason they got picked was their exposure, their YouTube channels, and their viewers count because 90% of the images they showed and delivered were crap.

If I was the beneficiary of that project, I would have felt insulted receiving such bland pictures that, in my opinion, didn’t do justice to the theme of the project.

I watched some random photographers becoming brand ambassadors in my country without having basic knowledge of the settings and gear used. Their explanations, their vision, their delivery were abysmal and yet they landed and kept those contracts and got to test new gear and get paid for that.

I noticed sports photographers delivering countless crooked pictures, blurry, out-of-focus, underexposed pictures. Wide pictures with no framing, no zooming on the subject, no point of interest. I noticed cut limbs, messy pictures, I noticed so many pictures that deserved to be deleted that I got tired of it.

And yet, these pictures exist, these pictures thrive, the photographers taking them are considered experts. And that is because just like in that story, people are afraid to shout that The Emperor is naked.

I see so many “outstanding”, “gorgeous”, and “sublime” comments on mediocre and downright bad pictures on social media that sometimes I do think of one thing.

I saw countless photographers and influencers pouring a ton of videos about AI. About how it will ruin photography, improve it, what we can do about it, etc. But in my opinion, the only ones ruining photography is just us. With every “superb” or “gorgeous” we write under a crappy picture on Instagram, all we do is kill photography a little bit more each time.

With every like we give to a crappy photo, we take away from the pictures that really deserve that like.

Social media has become the place where an Ansel Adams picture would get a like, a swipe, then a crooked picture would get a like, a swipe, then a picture of a fence would get the same treatment and so on.

You cannot fully appreciate a masterpiece (and in no way I am talking about my pictures here) if you like every single picture that pops up in your feed.

In the search for the most likes and followers, in the search of feeling instantly gratified, we are actually killing art.

And I do know that people will say that everything can be interpreted, it is all about the artist’s vision, art is subjective, etc, but we need to be or to get real at some point.

Because, deep down, we know that we didn’t like that picture because it was great. We liked it because we liked the person taking the shot, we liked it because we hoped to get a like back, we liked it for so many reasons and none of them had anything to do with the quality of that picture.

So, in a world where real talent, where real feeling, and expressions should count the most, we are actually praising mediocrity and encouraging and promoting mediocre photographers.

And we ignore great photographers out of silly things. We don’t like their voices, their accents, they are too old, they joke too little, they don’t do many gear reviews, they don’t film their videos in 6k, 8k, mega f s log and so on. And instead, we look for hip, for posh, for trendy. For 30-minute rants about nothing, for endless boring videos that lack substance but have colour and a high resolution.

As I dictate this article I keep my eyes closed. I am resting. For the last couple of months, I have often contemplated downgrading and selling everything except one camera. Now, I don’t know if it will come to this, but lately the idea does not terrify me so much as it did in the beginning. I’m not at peace with the idea yet but who knows how I will feel in a week, a month, a year.

Darkness turns to light as I open my eyes and start preparing to correct the article.

Light and halos.